AI voiced novel misses the mark.

I grit my teeth and pressed the button, brushing aside my ethical misgivings about depriving a voice actor of a fee. I’d accepted an invitation from my publishing platform to turn one of my novels into an audiobook using their AI voice program. The truth is that my fiction ‘business’ runs at a loss, and I had no plans to invest in a voice actor; I was motivated more by curiosity, especially since the company wasn’t charging me a cent.

Their audiobook building process is dead simple: They put your ebook version up on screen. You choose your voices from a selection of American and British examples (I chose three – one for each character) and hit the narration button.

My baby began to speak! The narration was startlingly realistic; I was in awe of the technical virtuosity of the AI engine under the hood – and I still am despite my later reservations.

My job as author was to tune the engine as it hummed along – principally by repairing pronunciation errors. The toolkit is pretty simple: You respell the incorrect word to achieve the right pronunciation, e.g. respelling row as roe to block it rhyming with how. But a good handful of errors were resistant to my efforts, despite some ingenious tactics based on my expertise in phonetics.

The audio conversion runs in real time, but it took me several hours to stop and fix errors. While the voices in the audio version sounded sort of authentic, something was slightly off. All the major phonetic elements were well executed: Properly pronounced vowels and consonants, word stresses on the right syllables, sentence stresses mostly correct, longer segments like phrases, clauses and sentences overlaid with intonation contours to signal when they began and ended.

So what was slightly off? I think the problem lay in the way that the AI engine tackles intonation, a speech mechanism that conveys all kinds of meanings. You can test the magic of intonation by reading aloud “I love you” in ten different ways: You might find yourself conveying passion, regret, sadness, anger, desperation, or even sarcasm – each rendition depending on the context. And it’s likely that the intonation pattern you use is motivated by clues that go back over several sentences or even paragraphs. But while the AI gizmo uses intonation patterns that sound human in isolation, they don’t seem to reflect emotional cues beyond the current sentence. I didn’t see evidence that it ‘remembers’ elements of the text that would motivate subtle intonation patterns.

Don’t get me wrong: We’ve come an unbelievably long way since the first Dalek croaked EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE. There are vast numbers of applications for AI voicing where authentic human affect is irrelevant. But my novel sounded emotionally insincere and – dare I say it? – robotic, despite the dazzling technical feat behind its production.

Midway through writing this piece, I jumped onto the audiobook catalogue to listen to the free sample of the book. This time it wasn’t so dazzling. The rendition had an odd, jumpy singsong quality that I attribute mostly to intonation problems. And one sentence slipped disastrously from fruity Midsomer Murders British into a variety of American.

The customers evidently didn’t like it. The ebook has racked up about 2000 sales over the years, was an online bestseller for a day in 2016, and has a ranking of 3.6 stars and 73 genuine reviews. I still get a dribble of ebook sales without doing any serious promotion.

How did the audio book go? Zero sales.

EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE.

Check out my books here.

Generative AI snapping at my heels

When a slick email arrived congratulating me on my ‘literary achievements’, some pleasure centre in my brain briefly glowed. Reading on, I found the standard list of offerings: Enhanced SEO, exposure on Goodreads, engagement with influencers, etc. I’m sure most fiction authors endure a similar blizzard of unsolicited offers to help sell books; in fact I suspect that more money is made in the author support business than the author business.

When a second email arrived the next day, I took a good look at both communications: They both referenced a number of my titles, threw in key plot motifs, mentioned main characters, and wrapped up the whole piece with lavish praise.  ‘Wow’, I (momentarily) thought, ‘someone’s put some effort into writing this’.

The someone was apparently an opaque email address and bland name – no other details. The actual someone was clearly a Generative AI setup that has scraped my book blurbs off the internet and tipped them into a copywriting blender. A similar non-human email arrived two days later, this time from a company with a website and the street address of a seedy premises on the fringes of a major US city that looked as if it might double up as a swingers club.

These emails could have been the reason the term ‘bottom feeding’ was coined: Fiction writing is so poorly remunerated that – from the author’s point of view – the writing industry barely deserves the term ‘industry’ at all. It staggers me that somebody can find a business niche that depends on scraping thousands and thousands of book blurbs in the hope of hitting authors willing to cough up good money for services that in my experience yield a negative ROI.

My other Generative AI encounter arose from a professional postgraduate course I recently enrolled in – fourteen years after I retired as a Pro Vice Chancellor and forty years since I was last a uni student. I was intrigued to learn that the university’s obligatory unit on academic integrity was much preoccupied with the hazards of dealing with AI in academic writing

So far, so good. Except that my second study unit entailed (a) researching a topic using a Generative AI tool, (b) researching it with my human brain, and (c) comparing the results. A quick check showed that this assessment item fulfilled a graduate attribute on understanding AI.

My human brain research wiped the floor with the GenAI version, and I managed to gleefully use the term ‘stochastic parrot’ (properly referenced) in the closing paragraph of the paper.

I remain in support of the proposal that  ‘the role of the university is to resist AI, that is, to apply rigorous questioning to the idea that AI is inevitable’.

The Accidental Arabist

Some people plan their life trajectory. For me, serendipity has often trumped planning. How else did I find myself unexpectedly signing up to an Arabic degree more than fifty years ago? Recently I began to ask myself how half a century of knowing Arabic has shaped the way I think and feel. How different has it made me from the person I might have been if I’d never taken this path?

It was 1971, and I’d applied for a languages degree at the Polytechnic of Central London (now the University of Westminster). The Russian interview went well; I could only offer a GCE ‘O’ Level, but Russian wasn’t widely studied in the secondary education system at that time. I had a GCE ‘A’ Level in French, but they were two a penny in the UK. Sorry, the French lecturer sniffed, your grammar’s not good enough; try the Arabic room down the corridor, they start from scratch.

The Head of Arabic sat in an empty classroom staring out over the roofs of Bloomsbury: I was signed up in minutes for a journey that would shape the rest of my life. For most of my adult years, Arabic and Arab culture have been embedded in my mind, helping to shape my world view, my scholarship, my values. In signing up on that day in 1971, I joined an exclusive club of English speakers who know something about the world of the Arabs from the inside, rather than through the smeared lens of ignorance, prejudice and habituated racism.  I find it impossible to imagine a me who didn’t wander into that classroom in 1971.

I’d had a messy flirtation with Arabic in 1969. After leaving school at sixteen, I stumbled into a civil engineering traineeship which ended with me failing my maths exams three years in a row. Freshly unemployed, I headed for Gibraltar and picked up a job driving a grocery van with a crew of Moroccans. I spoke schoolboy French with them, but I was fascinated by their throaty Arabic. I bought a copy of Teach Yourself Arabic and slogged through the chapters for a couple of weeks, but there was no connection between what the book said and what my Moroccan buddies said. Much later I learned that the Moroccan Arabic dialect is pretty well incomprehensible to anyone but Moroccans, and that the high-flown language of Teach Yourself Arabic isn’t used by van drivers.

Arabic installed itself in my mind quite differently from the way that French or Russian did. I learned French at school between the ages of 11 and 15. As soon as I arrive in France or New Caledonia, I open my mouth and bad French pours out based on prepubscent rote learning.

I studied Russian alongside Arabic from age 20 to 25, but while Arabic dazzled me, learning Russian was like pouring grey sand into a holey bucket. It seemed to need ten times more effort to find places in my head where it would stick. Cyrillic script looked like a row of Soviet era radiators, unlike the dramatic flourish of Arabic.  Beyond the teaching staff you never met a Russian in the Polytechnic cafeteria. Poor, unattractive Russian was trapped inside cheap Soviet textbooks. But in 70’s London you met with a whole stream of Arabs – Lebanese communists, Yemeni poets, Libyans on Gaddafi’s big oil scholarships. You went to parties with Arabs in their expensive flats on the Edgware Road. Russian didn’t stand a chance.

And unlike Russian, Arabic words entered my brain dressed up in their own colourful costumes, where they had a jolly time mixing with new friends – words like Al-Urwah Al-Wuthqa, ‘The Firmest Bond’, the title of a short-lived Egyptian revolutionary journal that was key in initiating the Arab revival of the late nineteenth century. My teacher mistranslated it as ‘the reliable handle’ and I have used it for decades to describe useful household items like spanners (Wow, I bought a real Urwah Wuthqa at the hardware store today). A Libyan taught me a filthy poem in high-flown Classical Arabic that I can still reel off. I knew a Tunisian girl called Buthaina, and learned that her name is a slang word for pussy cat. I have a habit of commenting on Arab names when I watch TV. That guy’s name means ‘glory of the religion’, I might mutter. Then I remember the Arabic saying al-asmaa’ laa tu’allal, ‘names are not to be explained’, told to me by a man whose name meant ‘war sparrow’.

Thus Arabic poured into me, along with a jumble of memories, associations, emotions, stories, relationships, people, and images.

The aesthetic of the east was part of the attraction of Arabic: In my mind, the Arab World belonged to the exotic and sensual Orient – alongside India, joss sticks, flowing robes and sitar music – that coloured my generation in the late sixties. If I’d been offered a course in Hindi or Bengali that day at the Poly, I’d probably have taken it. It would be eight years until Edward Said would challenge the West to examine the underbelly of its relationship with the East and to frame a postcolonial conception of East-West relations. Not even the Beatles were spared postcolonial scrutiny; was their appropriation of Indian culture imperialistic,  just dressed in psychedelic garb? I unconsciously modelled this worn-out worldview: I was doing the Arabs a favour by learning their language. In 1973, I was proud when an Egyptian journalist gave me a book of his inscribed in Arabic ‘to the orientalist Stuart Campbell’. I groan at my naivete now.

The inner workings of an immature psyche aside, it was the sheer alien complexity of Arabic that got me hooked, from the sweeping right-to-left script, the mad plug-in word-building system, and the pharynx-bending phonetics. Our Egyptian lecturers utilised a traditional classroom method of slog, repetition and memorisation with minimal use of English. The core materials were a kind of cultural studies curriculum strongly infused with the long-forgotten creed of Arab Socialism, handwritten and printed on a Roneo machine. The early texts had two sentences per page in big handwriting, the fourth year ones were on a par with newspaper Arabic. Our job was to memorise it all – hundreds of word roots, jagged morphological patterns, unpredictable plurals, alien sentence constructions, unexpected semantic frameworks, none of it remotely like the European languages we had learned at school. It was pure slog, every spare moment with nose in notebook memorising, self-testing, silently chanting like an acolyte in an occult sect.

I quickly cracked the Arabic dictionary code: You don’t look words up alphabetically by the first letter; you search the word for its three-consonant root and look up the root, under which the whole word family is listed. I’m on my second Hans Wehr Arabic-English Dictionary, the first of which ended up stuck together with gaffer tape until it disintegrated after twenty years of look-ups. The Arabic dictionary is as much a learning tool as a reference tool; it’s impossible to look up a word without mentally evoking – and reinforcing – the grammatical rules needed to search for it. I didn’t realise how the Hans Wehr had become almost an extension of my psyche until I opened it last year and found that my eyesight had deteriorated so badly that I couldn’t read the tiny text; I was so distraught that I brought forward my cataract surgery.

Writing Arabic entailed less mental rewiring than I expected.  I dimly recall copying loops and lines from right to left, but I must have learned so quickly that few traces remain. I have a completely unscientific intuition that there is something more ‘natural’ about writing in Arabic. Writing in English entails a contradictory ergonomics: Maintaining a horizontal progress using an up and down sawtooth motion. Arabic entails a horizontal sweep interrupted with loops and ticks. It feels fluid, liquid, relaxed to write – as you might expect from a script that was traditionally written with a reed pen rather than chiselled into stone.

There are delicious stylistic features such as kashida, a kind of kerning that emphasises the horizontal sweep of Arabic: A word can be stretched across the page as in Figure 1, where both words contain a kashida, indicated by the curved sweeps.

Fig 1.

The elegance and ease of writing Arabic is, however, contradicted by the difficulty of reading aloud: Arabic script mostly omits short vowels, leaving it up to the reader to work out the pronunciation. The exceptions include the Qur’an and some language learning materials, where short vowels are indicated. But as you steadily absorb word patterns and grammatical rules, the opacity of vowelless script clears. Nevertheless, reading errors abound even for native speakers, and purists delight in spotting mistakes. A Lebanese friend who used to read the evening news on a Sydney Arabic radio station always received corrections from indignant listeners the next morning.

The challenge of reading aloud leads to the broader topic of learning to speak Arabic. For me there were two salient issues: The phonetics of Arabic and the dialect problem. Foreigners often describe Arabic as ‘throaty’. The phonetics component of the Polytechnic’s mandatory linguistics strand explained in scientific terms what ‘throaty’ meant. In no time I revelled in being able to produce pharyngeal fricatives and uvular stops. There was an immense satisfaction in performing these phonetic tricks, especially executing tongue twisters, or more accurately throat twisters.

But even with authentic pronunciation, gaining fluency was a challenge. The speaking part of our course focussed on reading aloud, and our model was the oratorical style of our male teachers. Amazingly, it is only at my keyboard today that I realise that no woman ever spoke to us in Arabic at the Poly. I based my speaking style on the Egyptian chaps so that I sounded like those newsreaders with moustaches who pump out the party line on TV in dictatorships.

I had anticipated the dialect issue. In fact, some months before our class went off to study in Cairo, I led a delegation of students to request that the Poly offer some teaching of Egyptian dialect before we departed. We were assured that we would ‘pick it up’, but the staff were uncomfortable with the idea that a low status dialect might have grammatical rules.

After two years at the Poly, we were sent off to Egypt with vague instructions to report to a certain Professor at Cairo University (in contrast to modern study abroad programs that entail detailed risk analysis and in-country fixers). My wife and I arrived at her Armenian grandmother’s boarding house in central Cairo to find that the lady had gone shopping. The gentleman boarders were amused and intrigued at meeting an Englishman who knew Arabic. They called in a student who lived in the block; he would take us out to look for Madame. Here, I quote from my memoir Cairo Rations:

We went from shop to shop while the student practised his English on us. I was expecting him to be interested and flattered … that a British student had gone to the trouble of studying his language and his culture. Instead, he questioned me brusquely about why I was in Egypt, eventually becoming quite sarcastic and tossing in terms like ‘imperialist’ and ‘invader’.

Madame was eventually found. She didn’t speak English, so I barked at her in my Egyptian lecturer fashion but immediately sensed a horrible dissonance. This weird alpha male persona wasn’t me! And Madame spoke back in Egyptian dialect, not newsreader Arabic!

My dialect fluency peaked in 1974 due to the demands of living in a country at war – queuing for ration cards, being chased in the street as a suspected Israeli spy, being detained and questioned by police.

This incident with the angry student was an epiphany, a signal that there was a fatal crack in my thinking and that of my generation. When Edward Said blew the lid off Orientalism five years later, I’d already gained a deep understanding of anti-Arab racism in its many forms, both subtle and explicit. But Said’s writings helped me recognise that in 1973 I had stood at the confluence of two intellectual streams – the old Orientalism that infantilised the Arabs, and the postcolonial era that exposed the West’s racist condescension. In later years I did research on anti-Arab attitudes in the Australian press, and wrote the Siranoush Trilogy of espionage novels that challenged the ‘bad Arab’ trope that infests popular literature and film.

While studying Arabic helped form my worldview, it also opened unexpected doors to academic research – serendipity again. A relative gave me an archaic-looking illustrated manuscript in Arabic script: “I got this in Saudi Arabia. You might find it interesting.” It was actually in Persian, replete with Arabic loanwords, but I noticed an anomaly in the spelling of some of the nouns. By chance, I was doing some work on Indonesian at the time and was surprised to find the same Persian spelling anomaly in the borrowed Arabic words in Indonesian and Malay. According to indigenous scholars, the Arabs who brought Islam to the Malay world sailed straight from Arabia. Then how did the Arabic words acquire Persian spellings? Over the next few years, I developed and published an account showing that Arabic words entered the Malay world in three historical layers, one of which was Persianised. This work was a major historiographic advance that is unchallenged to this day.

Today, the impact of Arabic on my life is evident from my curriculum vitae: A career in teaching and researching Arabic linguistics and Arabic translation; senior university roles; a string of PhD students, most of Arab background; books and refereed journals. But how has Arabic contributed to my worldview? How am I different from a Stuart Campbell who might never have taken those few steps down the corridor?

I’m fairly sure that the political and social consciousness of my alter ego would have aligned with the real me: The Cold War, Vietnam and the Palestine conflict shaped the foundational thinking of many of my generation. But the extra element conferred by Arabic is an enhanced insight into the Arab world. It’s the ability to look behind the English language news media about the Middle East because you can read the Arabic press; it’s the ability to bypass the slipshod and stereotyped characterisation of the Arabs because you’ve known and worked with so many of them; it’s the ability to watch a TV interview with an Arab politician or a Syrian refugee or a Dubai Bling star, and decode the signals that the translation won’t give you: What does the accent tell you about the speaker’s origins and class? How is the level of language formality shaping the message? What does the person’s name tell you about their background? How do they address the other speakers and why do they use this or that form? How often is God evoked, and what does that tell you about the speaker’s emotional state? What does that place name mean, and what glories and tragedies are infused in it? What does that graffiti mean?

I was always intrigued in Cairo by the way that people in the street addressed me. My favourite was bash muhandis, ‘chief engineer’. For me, this evokes a whole set of questions – what sort of person would address me thus, why is there a Turkish element in the expression? And how I would address the person back?

That’s the kind of thing that sticks in your head after you wander into a room and sign for a fifty year stretch.

###

If you want to read more of my writing check here to find out about my short stories and novels.

The artful power of The Oldie

A good friend has been passing on to me copies of The Oldie, a British magazine that defies easy categorisation. While The Oldie is stuffed with first-class writing, the bonus has been the pleasure of dipping into print rather than flicking through screenfuls of phone rubbish in a futile merry-go-round of diminishing rewards and increasing self-loathing. I’m not one to wallow in the past, but I’ve found myself mawkishly nostalgic for Sunday breakfasts shared with a deconstructed Sydney Morning Herald (and the Sunday Times in former years). A sudden flashback: In the seventies I was interviewed in London for a job with the British Council. At one point my interviewer (after we had smoked half a dozen cigarettes) asked me what order I read The Guardian in, a question that is nowadays as redundant as the cigarettes.

I now have back copies of The Oldie within reach at various places in the house near comfortable chairs.

At the same time, I’m currently doing some heavyweight reading on theories of psychotherapy which has necessarily involved digging deep into childhood memories. Curiously, The Oldie evokes a memory of a dentist waiting room in the English town I grew up in. The dentist’s surgery is in a posh detached house. The silent waiting room looks out onto a garden strewn with damp autumn leaves. I wait in gabardine shorts and long socks wondering if I’ll have gas today, and thinking about the rubber mask and the sweet smell. On the coffee table is a pile of magazines – probably Hertfordshire Countryside – that are stacked with such precision that nobody dares remove any of them.

The curious power of The Oldie lies in its artful evocation of British middle class life in an idealized and unchanging continuum since the nineteen sixties when I sat in that waiting room. It deftly flicks the present aside with clever articles that archly mock the world of influencers and memes. It celebrates being old and clever and wise. It presents laser-sharp book reviews and articles. It would have been shelved between Punch and Private Eye in 1970, but it has only been around since 1994. It’s no surprise that its founding editor was Richard Ingrams.

Long live The Oldie.

If you like my writing, check out my books here.

Featured

New Short Story Collection by Stuart Campbell

These twelve stories, set mostly in Australia and Britain, lead the reader through irony, black comedy and the weirdly unexpected towards truths at the very heart of humanity.

You may know me as an author of novels like The Siranoush Trilogy and An Englishman’s Guide to Infidelity . With this new book, I’ve now turned to the short story genre:
A defeated man stows away on a cruise ship. A woman prefers to be a bird than a human. A nineteenth century scholar discovers a deadly Nirvana. A wife decides to redesign her brain damaged husband. A school reunion revives an unlikely friendship.

The story behind the stories

In 2023, I challenged myself to unbung the writer’s block that struck me during COVID: I would learn to write short stories. I spent much of 2023 reading short story authors in order to crack the code. As I drafted stories, I emailed one a month to a group of about thirty readers and friends during 2024. I called this the Free Shorts project. I used reader feedback to fine-tune the twelve stories, which are now published as this collection. Along the way, three of the stories were recognised in writing competitions in Australia and the UK.

I hope you enjoy these stories, which you can find in ebook and paperback on Amazon here.

And don’t forget to check out my other books here. Happy reading!

Free Shorts project – a year of stories and friendships

I’ve almost made it – just one more story to send out in December. My aim was to email a free short story each month to a select group of my readers during 2024.

I want to send a huge thank you to all those who sent me comments and told me how they’d enjoyed my work.

Also a big thank you to my readers for renewing old friendships and making some new ones during our email exchanges. Two weeks ago I had a wonderful surprise when I got an email from a friend I hadn’t seen for decades. She’d read some of my books and contacted me via the QR code in the back of my paperbacks. Naturally, I put her on the Free Shorts list, and we’re having lunch in a few weeks to catch up on several decades of news!

I’m working on the book of the twelve stories, which will be in ebook and paperback. I thought a lot about the title. Should I use the Free Shorts theme? Nah – I was sick of looking at those droopy shorts. Instead I followed the lead of Hilary Mantel, who used the title of one of her stories – The Assassination of Margaret Thatcher – as the title of the collection.

So let me unveil the title and draft cover of the Free Shorts book*, which will be out early 2025:

One of my aims was to get some recognition through entering short story competitions. I’m delighted to say that three of the twelve were recognised:

My short story Happy Days was longlisted in Creative Writing Ink (UK) competition, 2023. Read more here.

My short story Birdbrain was  Highly Commended in Stories Unlimited Rural Themed Competition, 2023. Read more here.

My short story I Thought I Knew Something about This Place was shortlisted for the 2024 EM Fletcher Writing Award. Read more here.

*swimmer image licensed by Shutterstock

Next steps: Well, I’m cutting back my literary output over the next year or so while I dive into a new and completely unrelated project that is already consuming a lot of my time and brainpower (a few of you know what this nutty plan is). I haven’t got the time or mental energy to commit to writing another novel, but I do plan to write four short stories this year and send them out to the Free Shorts gang. I won’t be entering any for competitions because I’m not crazy about writing to prescribed word limits and weird themes.

I’ll also be publishing each the Free Shorts stories monthly through 2025 on my blog (and reposted on FB, LinkedIn and Bluesky) to help promote my novels. I’m too busy to do marketing, so I sell just a dribble of books each month. If I can slightly increase the dribble to a steady drip I’ll be happy!

http://www.stuartcampbellauthor.com

My story about Belfast shortlisted for the EM Fletcher Writing Award

I was delighted to learn that my short story about Belfast I Thought I Knew Something About This Place was shortlisted for the EM Fletcher Writing Award. It will appear in the December 2024 issue of The Ancestral Searcher.

Warm congratulations to the winners and the other shortlisted entrants.

Here’s what the judges said about the story:

“An introspective and heartfelt exploration of personal identity and family roots, this story captures the author’s journey to Belfast in search of connection with their late father’s heritage. It thoughtfully blends historical reflection with modern discovery, offering a poignant narrative of belonging and self-understanding.”

Stuart Campbell in Belfast pub
The author at the Crown Liquor Saloon, Belfast

The story was written as part of my Free Shorts project, in which I have been sending one short story per month to a selected group of my readers for critique during 2024. The twelve stories will be published at the end of the year.

I am thrilled that three of the twelve stories have now been recognised in competitions.

You can find details of my novels here.

Free Shorts – March update, plans for the next anthology

I’m about to send out the March story in my Free Shorts project – a free short story sent to a selected list of my readers each month in 2024. The March story is rather experimental in form, so let’s see what the readers think.

I’ve had terrific feedback from the January and February stories, along with comments on how I might fine tune them – although when the advice is contradictory, it’s hard to know what to do! Just to remind you, I’ve copied the year’s story titles below.

I’m starting to plan the book of the stories, to be published at the end of 2024. I’ll certainly use the shorts image somewhere in the cover, but I guess that ‘Free’ shorts will be somewhat redundant when the book goes up for sale. I’ve set myself a dilemma here with the ‘shorts’ pun, but I’ve got ten months to figure it out.

The project has had great side benefits: One is that it has forced me to keep in touch with old friends, some of whom I’ve neglected over the years. Another great bonus is that people have latched onto my other work. It’s really pleasing to glowing feedback in the last few weeks for The True History of Jude (fantastic!) and The Sunset Assassin (couldn’t put it down!). Those who know me would be aware that I’m too lazy to go out looking for an agent and publisher (I once had both). But I get a huge sense of validation (yes, that’s what insecure fiction authors crave) from somebody I respect enjoying my work. And lastly, the project has unbunged the massive creative blockage I suffered during COVID.

As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I’m entering stories in competitions this year, with a couple of successes in the UK and Australia so far. Right now I have a few awaiting results, and several more cooking. One of the Free Shorts stories is being expanded for a prestigious Australian competition, with the characters modified to meet the competition criteria. And I’m working on a brand new story for a local comp. This one falls into what I’ve realised is a consistent theme in my work – men constrained by their innate flaws. Maybe I need help! And lastly, I’ve been working on a story in the style of Doris Lessing, a British writer who I admire enormously. It’s a dark story with what I hope is an uplifting ending, starring – guess what – a man constrained by his innate flaws!

Looking further ahead, I’m musing over a collection of stories based on a cruise ship. I recently took the Queen Elizabeth from Sydney to Tasmania, confirming my suspicion that a cruise ship is an incredibly rich environment for a writer: Thousands of people crammed into a floating hotel marooned from their daily routines of work and shopping and cooking; guests stiff in gala outfits fresh out of mothballs; the curious relationship between the holidaymakers and the toiling staff. I spent the time between vast silver service meals alternating between reading Keith Thomas’s monumental Religion and The Decline of Magic and making notes on the micro-dramas (as I imagined them) being enacted in every corner of the ship.

Writer at work on the high seas.

I have the vague outline of a circular collection, with each story linked through a character from the previous story, and an overall plot arc that links the end back to the beginning. (My writing buddy Sarah Bourne used this structure very elegantly in The Train.) For more inspiration I should find out who’s streaming Ship of Fools, an almost flawless 1965 film I’ve seen many times (its only flaw is that Vladek Sheybal wasn’t in it). I could drone on and on about Ship of Fools, but I’ll finish by mentioning a dismal building that I photographed in Burnie, Tasmania that will definitely be a setting for one of the stories.

The Hotel Regent, Burnie, Tasmania.

If you want to join the Free Shorts project, email me at stuartcampbellauthor@gmail.com . You’ll get a personal email each month with your story, not the packet rubbish from an automated email list.

January 20242861Your Own Luck: A man with a past stows away on a cruise ship to Brisbane.
February 20241498An Afternoon Under the Paperbark: A hidden observer witnesses a family drama on a hot afternoon in Sydney.
March 20243753The Unmasking of Mr French: A new neighbour in a luxury apartment block is not what he seems.
April 20242220Ninety-nine Names for Rain: A nineteenth century scholar discovers a deadly Shangri-La.
May 20242508The Afternoon of the Jackal: Uncle Christopher’s Boxing Day BBQ doesn’t go to plan.
June 20241941Birdbrain: A lonely woman prefers to be a bird.
July 20242801Thanks Dad: The Vice Chancellor of a university struggles with Imposter Syndrome.
August 20242010Belfast: When an Australian searches for his roots in Belfast, things get complicated.
September 20243690Fireworks: A man loses his memory in an accident, so his wife tries to redesign him.
October 20242879Lawrence of Arabia’s Box: An update on the fate of the lost manuscript of The Seven Pillars of Wisdom.
November 20242987Happy Days: History is rewritten at a school reunion.
December 20242048Balti Lamb: A dinner date at a Heathrow Airport restaurant goes pear-shaped.